I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
