So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
