Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
