I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Randomize
