Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
