if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
