Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
