I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
