The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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