I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
