Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
