apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
