i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
