I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
