this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
