just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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