i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
