If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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