Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
