Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
