One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
