i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
