i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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