When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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