Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
