I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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