Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
