i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
operation harelip BJ is a go
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
