you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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