so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
