i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
