I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
