Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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