Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
