I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
