I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
