the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
