And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
