I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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