haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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