erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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