Moan for me like Helen Keller
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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