3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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