I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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