i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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