You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
