I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My balls are so social today.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
