planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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