69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
