She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
